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Risks and “whatever!”
I’ve changed the way I look at things today. School is school and I do it cause I have to. I am grateful for it. Take the good with the not-so-good… Well today I took a risk (a safe risk lets say…) and i’m ok with it! I could be very emotionally messed up right now but i’m not choosing to be. I could be really emotional because I have been conditioned to take some things very seriously and attach emotions to them but I’m not choosing to do that either. I’m young… really really young. I’m having fun but still being honest and listening to my true spirit when I make decisions for myself. When listening to my true spirit I detach ego. I take time to assess if i’m doing something because it will genuinely make me feel happy and feel good, and won’t mess up the serenity I like to maintain. And if I do make a mistake… saying “whatever!” is how I like to go about it. It’s easy that way… I like simplicity! I like to allow myself to be happy and be kind to myself in all ways. I am so grateful to walk this earth, to be covered and cradled by mother nature and i’m grateful I even have the simple ability to smile! I’m happy I make things simple for myself lately and that I can truly just say “whatever” and not look back. I’m having fun just being young, happy, and grateful.
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Human
I’m trying hard to stay spiritually conscious every day. When I mess up which is frequently I have to just tell myself that i am human. Human How humbling a concept… how liberating! I now can make mistakes, rather, I expect myself to! And when I make mistakes I will be very kind to myself.
Conundrum:
I generally do not enjoy myself at school… I find it a waste of time. I get so much work to do which creates so much stress in my life, and I don’t find what i’m studying to be interesting. I know what interests me and I want to be studying it! It’s the stuff that really really matters to me, spirituality, holistic medicine, yoga, outdoors, eastern culture and medicine, native american culture, and so on and so forth. And it’s not only what i’m learning, but it’s the manner and environment it’s taught in. I don’t see purpose in any of it. We take notes in class, we talk, we get homework, we take a test, we hand in our homework, and we get a grade. It’s a pressure cooker to get into a “good” college, and the pressure is always present but it’s hard for me to work with it because it lacks meaning to me. I want hands on purposeful learning about things that matter to me! I want to be with like-minded people who are accepting and share a sense of spirituality and compassion with me. School brings me down and creates a lot of stress in my life and I don’t want to flunk out because I know that’s not right, I know that the warrior in me is capable of persisting for another year and a quarter (and I really should be grateful for that time I have left.)until I can go to a school that offers a fitting environment for me. How to do so is my conundrum…
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A thought provoking spring break
I went to Arizona for a spring break trip with my family last week. I was not excited to go because we were going to Scottsdale which is known to be a retirement/luxury hotel resort/shopping/shallow values kind of town. I wanted to go to Sedona which is about an hour and a half away and a more outdoorsy rugged/spiritual quaint town. I didn’t think my parents would go through the trouble of leaving the resort to take a day trip out there. But they did.
Sedona was really really really cool. I did not get the full feel of the land because I was only there for a day. I met with a shaman/clairvoyant with my mom. He invited us into his quaint office where he carefully observed our energies and I could tell he was doing this because he seemed quiet and focused. Spiritual people can sense when other people are spiritually conscious and living in their hearts, or if they are on the path to it. Greg(the shaman- who was a middle aged white man contrary to what the exotic title alludes) knew I was conscious and ready to deepen my spirituality. He communicated it to me by the look in his eyes… focused and attentive yet very interested in discovering more about me so he could teach me the lessons I was supposed to be learning at that specific time. He also knew my mom was hurting and he knew she needed to relax and stop worrying so much… As he started to talk to us he told me to listen deeply without any filters. Not with the intention of protecting my ego, not trying to think of something interesting to say back to impress or keep conversation flowing, but to just listen wholeheartedly with a pure openness to what he had to offer. Listening like that is beautiful. It allows you to handle the conversation in an honest way, letting the words flow to a deep part of you and then answering with your most wise self for no ulterior motive. What I learned that day, with Greg, was to free myself from all the bars I place around myself. Detach myself from ego because the ego is not the honest part of me. Outside in the red rock desert I picked up a small diamond shaped rock and placed it on my forehead. I recited truth, truth, truth, over and over again and I let it seep into my heart and my spirit that grows so abundantly when I give it patience and attention and feed it truth. Reminding myself to pursue truth in life allows me to be free. Asking myself “Am i being truthful?” eliminates actions that are acted upon because of false fear, an illusion, or to feed my ego- all of which are an illusion… a poisonous impermanent illusion. My truth is to talk to plants and animals… to acknowledge them as the same life force that I am! To make relationships with plants because they can communicate and love me because in their deepest essence they are not different than I am- they are a part of this energy that is God altogether. This benevolent force behind everything- spirit!
Detaching myself from ego, reminding myself to pursue truth, not taking emotions of loneliness or anger seriously, utterly succumbing to gratitude. These are the lessons I have discovered this past week, and this is the wisdom that is pure and wise and greatly beneficial for me to live my life by day to day. Thank you Greg and thank you mom.
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it’s hard to drop the people you care about yet make you feel sad
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© M.Smith
If there is a magic on this planet, it is contained in water.
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I
think it’s easy to let
ego
take control
…awaken
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“The world is but an allegory…”
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© 2008 Neil Creek.
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One of the most powerful things I have ever seen.
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Puzzles are a simpler version of life, the way i’d like it to be.
decisions are fast
thoughts aren’t constant.
perhaps the solution is a release:
of time
of insecurity
of mindless thinking
and of regret.
The eternal moment we live in obtains no definite rules
to define is to enslave and torture.
the simplicity of a puzzle may be easiest to bear,
yet choosing freedom is beautiful;
let my gateways to wisdom open everyday.
if only if only, if only.
